Mother's Day Angst

Proverbs 31:10 (KJV) -- Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

Mother’s Day…it’s not as easy as it sounds. At least for some people. Like Christmas or Thanksgiving, certain holidays can be really difficult for many. And if you’ve lost your mother since LAST Mother’s Day, then the first year without her might be even more emotionally complex. Sad. Sorrowful. Just plain hard.

It’s uncouth to talk about a “bad” mother on the national day of recognition. But there IS such a thing. Unfortunately. So, here I sit writing what God has impressed upon my heart.

I was given the opportunity to console a lady today. I asked permission to share a little information. She’s in her late 50’s; a mom and a grandmom within her own right. Yet, she still cannot get over an abusive childhood and the tumultuous adulthood relationship with her mother.  Her mother is still living. She’s around 82 years of age. Still extending hurtful words, still using cruel actions, and seems to still take joy in engaging in hyper-critical language from how the daughter described it. She said, and I quote, “My mom has always, always made me feel like a failure.”

Let’s face it…it’s one of life’s mysteries. Mothers have the capability to hurt and abuse their children. Just like sitting in a garage day in and day out, doesn’t make one a car. Giving birth doesn’t automatically qualify one as a good mother. Or father. Can I get an amen?!  Is anyone hearing that humble protest?

If you’re an American over the age of 35, you may remember the Susan Smith case. A young mom drowned all of her precious children in a lake and then faked it as a kidnapping.  More recently the widely publicized court antics of Casey Anthony…Hard to even fathom! Yes, abuse from a parent comes in all shapes, sizes, and depths.

There’s a stigma with maternal neglect…at least to the many ladies or teens that I’ve spoken to.  A stigma of shame. Embarrassment. I find it’s often hidden from friends and family members. There’s just something DIFFERENT when it comes to not feeling loved or valued from your mother.  It’s almost impossible to explain to others the why and the how’s of maternal neglect. Dysfunction. 

It’s like that for infertile couples too. The stigma of embarrassment. Shame. Irrational guilt. People don’t know what to say. It’s just awkward for some people to practice good etiquette. (I have mentioned that adults without a verbal buffer can offend WAY TOO easily! Let’s be mindful of our words!)

Several years ago, I had a well-meaning lovely mother say to me, “Oh I can’t wish you a Happy Mother’s Day. You’re not a birth mother.”  Uhhhh….I beg your pardon. She didn’t intend for it to make a lasting scar, but it did.  Good ole’ foot and mouth syndrome. I sparked with indignation as I sat there – stewing. Pondering. Silently crying out, “My babies are in heaven. I’m a Godmother. I’m a mother figure. I’m a loving aunt. My husband doesn’t think of me a lessor person. I have a family, albeit a small one! I’m a minister’s wife…I nurture people week in and week out! I HAVE a mother. Of course it’s okay to say Happy Mother’s Day!”

It was all about me, me, me at that moment…I confess I remember being very irritated, until I realized within short order, that the lady didn’t mean to sound insensitive. Some people just don’t KNOW to practice good etiquette!! It wasn’t MY issue, it was hers.

Please allow me to offer SHORT TIPS on how NOT to ruin someone else’s Mother’s Day…

1)    Say “Happy Mother’s Day!” to all ladies…all ladies and all gentlemen HAVE been given birth by a mother. They may or may not have children, but we know by God’s law of reproduction, everyone has a mother.

2)  Do NOT say, “Oh just be patient…stop stressing and you’ll have 4 kids before you know it!” It makes ladies cringe.

3)  Don’t assume everyone’s mother is a selfless, loving, encouraging, warm bundle of hugs. I’ve met MANY young people living in the Children’s Home who would slap you for saying, “Oh your mom is so precious.”

4)  Keep it vague!! “I’ve been thinking about you…Hope you have a great day!” That’s plenty. You don’t have to apologize, nor does the lady you’re speaking to.

5)  Say thank you! “This weekend, I wanted to make an effort to thank you for teaching my little brat…for loving my kids…for being such a great role model to my precious delinquent.” (I just threw the word brat in there to see if you’re paying attention!!! Ok, delinquent was deliberate)

6)  Do NOT say, “I know lots of terrible mothers. I don’t know why God won’t give you a child. Have you prayed!?”

7)  Just be nice! And understand we really do NOT know what goes on behind other doors.

People are hurting this week…for a thousand different reasons. And it may or may not be something you can relate to.

I will close with this…if you had or have a compassionate, loving, and giving MOM then you’re super blessed!! And I sure do hope and pray , that you dear reader, have just that!! Happy Mother’ Day!

Look UP my friends!

Faith

This is my first blog in several weeks…the reasons are too numerous to list, but your prayers are welcomed and appreciated!!

So what does a writer write after an undesired sabbatical?

Something prolific? Something profound and mind-blowing, right?!

Well, for today’s blog post…I’m keeping it simple. I’m running on 90 minutes of sleep, so I don’t want to mess it up! (Which I might do anyway).

I have ONE important thought today…a sign I saw in my husband’s office a few weeks ago.

FAITH

Forwarding

All

Issues

To

Heaven

Amen!

Look UP my friends!

A Short Quiz!

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a "professional." According to Andersen Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the door.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory.

OK, even if you didn't answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.


- AUTHOR UNKNOWN -

A fun quiz, right? I personally enjoyed it. 

Makes me wonder how effective I am when following God’s instructions!? What are the repercussions of my actions? How well do I “think through” my choices? Let’s ask ourselves…do we learn quickly from our OWN mistakes or are we too busy pointing out everyone else’s? (ouch) Let's pray about it before we go to sleep tonight...

Look UP my friends!

Spring Is Alive!

Then shall the righteous shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Who hath ears to hear, let him hear. Matthew 13:43 (KJV)

Recently I’ve been posting pics on FB of budding pear trees, cherry trees, and various blooming bushes in my area. While it has started off as a very “cool” spring with blustery winds and lower temps, it seems that springtime has arrived in the foothills of ‘Carolina, where I reside. I haven’t met one person lately who hasn’t commented on their appreciation for winter’s closing this year. It’s been a hard winter in most areas of the country!

I can feel the sun pressing through my curtains in the morning, offering wonderful warmth. I take a few minutes to open the blinds and let the new day filter through. As I look out to my patio, I take note that the Easter Bush (Forsythia) went into full bloom already and dominates the fence with gold and green foliage. I see “spring onions” and dandelions popping through the grass. I cannot help but notice the “fair-haired soldiers” of spring, the daffodils, blowing east and west in the breeze. I am looking for signs of the hummingbirds’ return. I do hear one bird in the background…the rat tat-tat of a woodpecker resonates as it beats against an old white pine tree. The sun breaks through the dogwood and oak trees with a splendor that causes me to squint. The sun will not be denied this morning as it casts light into once dark shadows.

As I take a few moments before my work day begins, the sounds and visions of springtime fill my senses. It is like a love-song directly from God, reminding me of new beginnings. Hope. Serving note that He breathes new life into what was once dead. Joy. Happiness. A fresh start. Life. Yes, spring is alive!

As my quiet time with God abides, I tend to forget the stress and problems from yesterday. The day before. A week ago. His grace allows me a sense of “lightness” even though the day’s trials haven’t manifested themselves in their full height yet.

As I stoop to water various plants in old and new-fangled pots, God stirs my spirit. Like these young tender plants needing water, my soul needs the Living Water…every day.

As these floras need the sun, every day I, too, need the Son.

With the spring foliage budding in new life…less I forget that had it not been for Easter, the Resurrection, I wouldn’t have a new life through Christ Jesus! Yes, HE IS ALIVE!

I am reminded that EVERY day we can let God’s light shine within our souls. In the most barren, stormy, rock-filled, dry, and heavy-laden of circumstances…the Son still shines!

There’s an old adage that says, “In heaven it’s always spring time.” May I remember that while I’m in my journey of life down here. Let’s live in the “spring time” in our souls…Right now. Blooming, growing, thriving in Christ.

Look UP my friends! 

Words of Wisdom

There’s something humankind has in common, well there are many things, but for today’s thoughts there is one BIG common denominator. We all have a mother.  Mothers come in all shapes, sizes, spiritual values, and personalities. (And let’s not forget that for various reasons not all mothers raise their children. We see in our culture many grandmothers’ actually raising first and second generation grand kids. The birth process does not equate parental guidance and devotion. Mother’s Day can be painful for many adult and young children…nevertheless; God’s plan for the family unit is centered on a lady giving birth to a child. Every human does have a mother and father, biologically).

When I think of “good” mothers, I think of the early part of motherhood…doctor visits, vitamins, baby-proofing the house when a new born arrives. Eating right. Looking after the infant meticulously. I admire moms who give unconditional love; those who offer support and kindness during adversity. Most mothers are the #1 fan of their children. Those ladies who can be tinkled on, pooped on, and vomited on and handle it like a champion if it is their child who is sick. The lady who gives her kid a hug and a bit of attention instead of obsessing over dirty dishes. Moms are just special!

 I’m particularly blessed by foster moms, adoptive moms, fur-baby moms, and mother figures along life’s way. Being a mom is not cookie-cutter in role, that’s for sure.

That leads me to reflecting on motherly wisdom…or grandmotherly acumen. You’re probably familiar with “words of wisdom” bestowed to you by your own mom or another significant person in your life.

What if we applied the following well-known words of wisdom from a HEAVENLY standpoint?

1)    What part of NO don’t you understand? I admit, I’ve been told that sentence before. But what if GOD told us that statement? How would we respond? When He tells us no, do we keep hounding and pressing for another answer?

2)    Your face is going to freeze like that! It’s a good thing our eyes don’t get stuck when we roll them isn’t it? Or the facial expression we might have when we’re angry with someone…What if our face really DID freeze?

3)    Because I said so! Wow, wouldn’t it be great if we listened to God in all of our decisions and actions, just because He said so!?

4)    I brought you IN this world; I can take you OUT of it! This popular phrase makes me laugh, but there’s a certain truth to it. It might do us good to remember that God is the giver of all life and he doesn’t need our help while we live it. He CAN take us out, and He WILL take us out, in His timing. We need to be obedient when we can! Stay prayed up. Ask for atonement of sin in a repentant heart – every day.

5)    Wait until your Father gets home! This is another good one…what happens when Jesus knocks at your heart’s door? Is HE in your home, your car, your office, your garden, your mind? Do you carry Him with you in spirit at all times?

6)    No back talking! It’s a nice reminder that we should respect and accept our Heavenly Father’s instructions for our life.  I cannot think of any case in which it is a GOOD idea to argue with God! Jonah is a good example to glean from. If he had just gone to Nineveh in obedience from the beginning, then he wouldn't have been swallowed by the big fish. He wouldn't have been caught up in his anger and built a booth outside of the city. When Jonah said in Chapter 4, “It is better for me to die than to live,” I think God was teaching him a lesson. A hard one to learn…No back talking!

If you have a Christian mother, be thankful! Oh so thankful! You’re richly blessed with a beautiful gift! If you’re still praying for your mother to accept Christ into her heart, then I encourage you to keep on praying! And finally, if you need to forgive your mom for shortcomings and inadequacies, then I encourage you to do that through prayer and meditation in God’s Word. Life is too short!

Look UP my friends!

The Night Before Easter

If you search the internet you’ll find many variations of “The Night before Christmas,” by Clement Clark Moore. I took creative liberties back in November and composed a version for Thanksgiving. Now here I am during the middle of the night, with these ideas in my heart and my mind. So I put pen to paper for an Easter version…if it is a blessing in any way, it is from God, not my abilities whatsoever.

The Night Before Easter

'Twas the night before Easter on Non-Believer’s Lane

There were egg hunts, chocolate bunnies, and all kinds of games,

The kids were playing from house to house

Not a dog or cat was sad, not even a mouse!

The parents were enthralled by what they had seen

No, not the kids, but what was playing on YouTube, iPads;

The diversion on the television screen

As mama dyed some eggs, and dad’s feet he outstretched

No thoughts about Calvary would ever be fetched

When quickly arose, in the den such a clatter

Dad jumped from his recliner to see what was the matter!

Away to the door he flew with great speed

 To see an old dusty Bible, for which he’d never found need.

A tug from God’s Word like a flower began to bloom

Dad startled at the view, as he entered the room

But what to his wondering eyes did he see,

But his wife, and his children, bowed low on bended knee

He knew at a glance this was a sight to behold

It looked like worship and prayer, from days of old

With further observation in this moment of time

He heard his family pray to the Savior Divine

With speed of an eagle, and soft tears they did cry

He heard his family thank Jesus, for His willingness to die

Follow me, did Jesus say, calling each one by name

They thanked Him for Calvary, as to the Cross they willingly came

Knowing in a cold dark tomb the Savior, God’s Son,

Does no longer lay,

Asked by his kids and his wife,

Won’t you bow with us and pray?

  

They held hands, just praying, for what seemed like an hour

Trusting God to save them by His redeeming power

They envisioned heaven and sights of splendor yet to be shown

The dad knew in that moment, he would ne’er be alone

They stood there in silence, together in humbled awe

Understanding the meaning of Easter that God died for us all.

With Earth’s hold now growing less and further dim

The Dad really understood, the price Jesus paid for his sin.

After awhile worship ended and the scene came to a close

But not before rejoicing and celebrating

That Jesus lives! Yes, Christ arose!

So now the night before Easter was different than before

The dad and his family now knew

The Good Shepherd, The Life, and The Door

The night before Easter now focused on things above

The greatest gift from the Father, His Son’s eternal dying love

By: Kimberly Hemric, April 3, 2014©

Look UP my friends!