Why Is It Easy to Hold Grudges?

Ephesians 4:32 - And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

I'm going to reveal a secret...a BIG one! Can you handle it? It's about our churches. Our friends. Our Faith. People we hold in high regard. Or, perhaps we used to.

Sometimes Christians mistreat each other. Yes, we do. Not said to cause harm on any level, but to expose this secret behavior.

Allow me to illustrate this topic. I recently ran into an old friend. I was happy to see this person. I smiled and attempted to engage in  brief, "Hello, it's good to see you," moment.  By the word friend, I specifically mean someone I’ve known at least fourteen years, maybe more. Someone I’d see on a weekly basis. We’d always greet each other with a hug. Emphasis on hug. Not an inappropriate one – but a sweet pure one.

Perhaps you’ve guessed by now, that this person and I attended the same church at one point. As far as I know, we have never had a cross word or difference of opinion on the basics of life or our Biblical beliefs. No true dissimilarities. I can’t think of a single one.
Hmm…funny how that happens. How quick we are to assume and pass judgement. Does this action of avoidance further the cause of Christ? Who does she/he think will be proud of this behavior? This type of “avoidance/shunning” is supposed to glorify God? Good questions to ask of ourselves.

Let’s face it. We all do it. Maybe to different degrees.  I ran into stranger picking up a few things in the pharmacy today. The lady was screaming and threatening her child in a loud manner. The poor kid looked so embarrassed and scared. I coolly observed as I kept my place in line. Don’t we usually do that – step back so not to interfere unnecessarily? I’m not a “caped crusader” out trying to solve other people’s problems. Frankly, I just wanted my medicine and the ability to leave quickly. I found myself thinking, “I hope this crazy lady doesn’t hit this little girl. I’m gonna’ have to intercede.” But, I didn’t really know the behind-the-scene story. Maybe the mom had cabin fever and the kid had stressed her beyond her limitations. Maybe the husband had hit the wife before she left to go pick up his “smokes and booze.” Maybe she was up three consecutive nights throwing up and her final nerve had gotten the best of her? Perhaps she was parenting as she had been raised and didn’t know any better. Maybe she had been called “dumb idiot” her entire life too? I didn’t really know the facts, but my first thought was that this lady was NUTS.

That’s the thing with judgement, bitterness and hard feelings. Sometimes people wear them like a badge of honor. Sometimes people wear them like a weapon.  In reverse manner, some people accept it as a scarlet letter forever marking their lives.

So, let’s ask ourselves…WHY IS IT SO EASY TO HOLD A GRUDGE and JUDGE? Here are 10 possible reasons…

1)    It empowers and allows the person (the one doing the judging) to be in control. Life Lesson: If the person is overly critical, it’s a red flag!

2)    The individual has allowed the adversary to erase the respectable things they’ve seen, and replace it for bad. Usually in one swift motion.

3)    Pointing fingers at someone else is A LOT easier than looking inwardly at our own actions. Who enjoys taking ownership of unscrupulous things?!

4)    Let’s admit it, it’s easier to convince others of “bad goings on” than good goings on. It’s our human nature. And people are persuasive.

5)    Some people become so absorbed in the “what’s wrong” or the blame-game, they lose perspective.

6)    Entitlement. Pride. Unfriending someone on FB feels authoritative, right? Avoiding phone calls. Choosing not to respond to a text. Feels good to block someone (even though you didn’t have a direct issue with them) from social media on occasion? Feels justified to avoid someone because you heard this…or you heard that from a “reliable” source?  (Be cautious as to your justifications. If you’re on someone else’s bandwagon, you might be disappointed later on).

7)     People think it shows loyalty. As misguided as it might be. Do you remember the scene in the movie, Step-Mom, when the daughter was talking to her mom, Susan Sarandon, about the character Julia Roberts played? She said, “Mommy, I’ll hate her if you want me to!”  Some of us are really like that.

8)    Sometimes people hold on to their sense of injustice to further their own cause. Yep, the ugly “agenda” word. The process of “joining your team” to help correct the injustices of the world. Or to join in on character assassination. Whatever works in the group or in the relationship?

9)    It’s much easier to hold a grudge when we’re not PRAYING for the person who’s mistreating us. It’s WAY easier to do wrong when our relationship with God isn’t as mature as we allow others to think it is.  

10) We ASSUME too much. Too much, too easily. We respond with the flesh and not the Spirit.  We’re too comfortable deciding for ourselves.                        

Sad, right!? Ughhhhhh….it sort of makes me sick to my stomach. We really CAN and WILL hurt the cause of Christ by holding on to these irrational grudges, especially when we/you weren’t even involved in the discord.

An article by the Mayo Clinic worded it like this,”Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.”

The Bible tells us, “Luke 6:27 - But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you.

Colossians 3:13 - Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also [do] ye.”

So, if you’ve been misunderstood, judged incorrectly, hurt, shunned, broken, or falsely accused. Guess what? We’ve almost all been there at some point. Purpose to let it go….the great news is, that our Redeemer knows it all. No need to explain anything to Him. He already knows and He cares about your wounded heart. He’s been through it too, after all. Read PSALM 34:18 (KJV) now!!

Ask God to help mend your broken heart…He will. Chose to let go of any grudges you may be holding on to. It may take time, but His grace is sufficient. Forgiveness will strengthen your spirit. You’ll savor the sweetness of grace! Renew your purpose to serve Him MORE…the closer our Savior is in your life, the further away your disappointments will be.

But, what if they’re NOT sorry?! Forgive them anyway. Was the lady in the pharmacy sorry she screamed and acted like a maniac temporarily? No. Not when I was around, anyway.  But I was able to wink at the little girl and whisper, "Jesus loves you," to her. She just beamed.

Let’s look UP my friends!