Little White Lies

Ephesians 4:25 - Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.

Little lies are not very little. They can be indicative of big problems according to some child psychologists.  “White lies” are still lies. There really isn’t a half-truth if the other half of that “truth” is omitted. One report said, "Lies of omission are lies. Innocent niceties can be lies if we’re not careful. We’ve all done it at some point. We smile on approach, “Hi, how are you?” Then comes the habitual, “I’m fine, how are you doing?” in response."  You may feel terrible; maybe you’re hurting on the inside; perhaps you’re going through a particular trial and you’re masking it behind a casual smile; or maybe you just got “snapped at” by someone and you’re stewing about it; maybe you’re extremely worried about an issue. So, you’re actually not fine. But you say you’re fine. That isn’t truthful or sincere, my friend. I’d encourage you to say something like “Thank you for asking. Today isn’t my best day, but God is good isn’t He? How are things in your world?” I’m not suggesting that we wax poetic about every nuisance and each aggravation, but it is more than okay to share with someone that you could use a few prayers and you’d appreciate it if they would remember you. Let’s not be “doom and gloom” but rather more truthful and sincere in our responses. And of course, if you really are fine…try saying, “I’m great! I hope you are.”

A few years ago, I felt like I needed to teach an employee a lesson on “small lies,” as she/he put it. I kept seeing inconsistencies in responses simple questions. This person was a manager, so it was terribly disappointing to see this pattern develop. Do you know anyone who’s had the same grandparent pass away 2 or 3 different times? Or their child is sick but they don’t have children? They called out sick with the flu bug but you later saw them at the county fair? Boy o’ boy! The stories people tell in their lives!  (Life Moment: I do not understand why people feel the need to tell untruths about silly things. Let’s communicate more effectively. The Christian needs to be approachable, not overly reactionary, a good listener, and above all else…honest! Try not to judge too harshly, especially during the listening phase of a conversation, but I speak from experience when I say that it can be hard not to roll your eyes if they’re telling you a big “whopper!”.)

So, it began on a Monday at the weekly Operations Meeting. I noticed inconsistencies in the reported information. After the meeting, I met with this individual in a private space. In my way, and in my style, I confronted the person on what I confidently knew was inaccurate information. Their response was lackluster, not overly apologetic, and disappointing. So, I said, “Okay then, I’m going to tell you one big lie and one small lie this week. You let me know which comments are dishonest because it will be important for us both.” We shook hands, exited the office, and the “game” was on! (I must acknowledge this idea was not original. I had read it in a book one time – a parent was teaching their teenager a similar lesson on honesty. I just happened to recall it at that moment in time).

The next day, I told him/her I would be buying a new desk chair for their office – something they had been asking about for a few months. I asked specific questions about their likes and dislikes, and on my lunch break, stopped at the office supply store for the new office chair.

When I returned to the worksite and asked for help unloading the box, they squealed, “Oh, I just knew you were tricking me! I thought it was a lie! Thank you so much.” I grinned, and proceeded onward.

A day or two later, I said to the team, “Hey, I’m closing the office at 12:00 p.m. I’ll hold the fort down, and ya’ll go home.” Everyone was thrilled – except this person. “No way! You don’t fool me! This is a lie!” was the response. I spent another 5 minutes restating that I had made those special arrangements as a reward for the team. It was a company perk. A type of thank you from the organization. (They lost an hour of her “paid time off,” by arguing!) Life Lesson: There’s a time to speak and a time to be silent. Know the difference.

Then on Friday, I walked into their office and closed the door. I handed them an envelope (with a hand written note and cash inside). I said, “I told you bonuses would be given out on Friday if we exceeded the company benchmarks – here is yours. Thank you for all you’ve done.” Big, golf ball sized eyes just stared at the envelope. “What’s in here? Fake movie tickets? Jalapeño gum? Monopoly money?!” they cried out.

“Wow,” I stated. “I didn’t know you were this paranoid. Or this distrusting.” The person started to stammer – and I saw a tear being quickly wiped away. They said…”But you said…you said…you said you were going to trick me this week.”

“No, I said I was going to tell you one big and one small lie this week to teach you a lesson. It’s tiring not being able to count on someone’s reliability is it?” I asked.

The individual got up from their desk – gave me a long hug. They apologized. I remained silent. They apologized some more. I just let them talk. A guilty conscience often leads to aimless chatter, right? Also, don’t go hugging the boss if you don’t know it to be acceptable company behavior – it could get you fired.

 I accepted the apology. I prompted them to keep up the good work, and I started to walk out the door. “Wait! What did you lie to me about?! I couldn’t tell,” the person said. “Man, you’re good!”

I chuckled – My response was pretty simple. “I didn’t lie, except when I told you I was going to lie.” I left swiftly – I’m pretty sure their jaw was on the desk when I left – their mouth had dropped open quite widely!

The happy ending to this particular story was that for the next 3 or 4 months, this person went over board to keep me accurately informed. It DOES make life easier and more content when we can rely on what we’re being told, and when others can have confidence in us.

Honesty is a necessary part of every family, church, and work group. If we’re honest with each other, we can trust each other. The Bible teaches us “to confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed,” in James 5:16. For example, if we’ve done something wrong to someone, we often begin to avoid them. We need to pray about these situations – ask God to help us. When we allow the Lord to repair broken relationships, we no longer feel afraid to approach the other person. We can greet them in sincerity. And only He can truly restore what is broken.

Being honest also brings a Christian into a closer relationship with God. I John 1:9 - If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Just as honesty is necessary for healthy friendships with other people, it is VITAL for a healthy friendship with God. Let’s be reminded that He knows us – inside and out! We cannot hide from God. Perhaps you’re familiar with the saying, “You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool God any of the time!” Jesus wants us to confess to Him so that He can forgive us and heal us with His love. As our relationship with Christ Jesus grows closer, He will guide our steps toward a life that will glorify Him.

You see, honesty may be an uncomfortable or even intimidating habit to develop. However, it is a necessary part of the Christian’s life. We must be able to trust one another, forgive, and pray for each other. We don’t want a dishonest person to be the one petitioning our Savior on our behalf do we? The more humble integrity we have – the more peace we’ll have in our spirit. Walking closely with God requires truth.

Life Moment: Ask yourself, “What was the last little “white lie” I told?”

Look Up my friends!